Veggie Joker Gifts

Better Not Squash.

"If I become a vegetarian, the only thing I will miss the cholesterol, chemicals, pesticides, hormones, antibiotics and E. coli sometimes found in meat, chicken and fish."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

“Children hate me.”

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

The vegan hunter

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wifi password."

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

The great zucchinis

'Oh... you're gonna eat those peas, mister.'

'Lettuce pray!'

"Little girls are made from sugar and spice. . . not cabbage."

"I'm sorry but I can't bring the dessert menu until you at least try to finish your peas and carrots, it's policy."

Prize Winning Potato - Champion Chips

'You finish those veggies or you get no pud.'

'The salad is that expensive because we had to find a new place for the snails and worms.'

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

'I feel rootless.'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Stephen's down on the allotment, gathering in nature's bounty.'

Still life?

"My biggest problem is squatters."

Rabbit being eaten.