Veggie Comedian Gifts

'Lettuce pray!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Two vegans, please."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Better Not Squash.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

TV's hot new political show: Meet the Produce. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. Let's be frank. The Republicans have no fiscal discipline. And the tax-and-spend liberals do? We're not ballooning the deficit! Waging war to promote freedom is not free! You stupid rotten vegetable! You're low in vitamin E! Cut to commercial.

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

Free salad bar.

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Two vegetarians please.

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

Tomato, zucchini or grapefruit? Balloons. Vegan Clowns.

The vegan hunter

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Spinach Dating.

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Rob and Maria dated for months, until the day he realized she was made entirely out of soy.

"I eat green but I don't vote green."

"Y a qué de la salade?"