Veggie Comedian Gifts

'Lettuce pray!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Two vegans, please."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Better Not Squash.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Two vegetarians please.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

Free salad bar.

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

The vegan hunter

Spinach Dating.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Rob and Maria dated for months, until the day he realized she was made entirely out of soy.

"I eat green but I don't vote green."

"Y a qué de la salade?"

'We're vegetarians now because the prey animals have formed a union.'