Veggie Artist Gifts

"Unusual turkey darling!" "Thanks, it's made out of Brussel sprouts!"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Vegetable Cook

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

Planting veggies

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

Cooking with Pierre

Mom's restaurant - 'You can't leave until you've eaten your greens.'

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Show and Tell.

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

TV's hot new political show: Meet the Produce. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. Let's be frank. The Republicans have no fiscal discipline. And the tax-and-spend liberals do? We're not ballooning the deficit! Waging war to promote freedom is not free! You stupid rotten vegetable! You're low in vitamin E! Cut to commercial.

If we build raised beds and a compost bin now

'The theater better put on good shows this fall, because we're having a bumper tomato crop.'

It's the biofuel generation.

The Authentic Christmas.

You will always find a spot to garden

Taken genetic engineering too far

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'Be sure to ask George about his tomatoes.'

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'