Veggie Performer Gifts

The great zucchinis

Prize vegetables.

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Better Not Squash.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

If we build raised beds and a compost bin now

TV's hot new political show: Meet the Produce. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. Let's be frank. The Republicans have no fiscal discipline. And the tax-and-spend liberals do? We're not ballooning the deficit! Waging war to promote freedom is not free! You stupid rotten vegetable! You're low in vitamin E! Cut to commercial.

Taken genetic engineering too far

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'They send you into the ketchup department? HA! I'M going into pizza!'

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"I remember when we wouldn't buy the bent knobbly ones. Now we pay twice as much for them."

'So, that's settled - the eyes have it!'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Look! I grew a carrot!'

'I'm in a lot of trouble, but it's worth it. There's not enough dirt left to grow spinach.'

Dreams of Spring...

"Do we HAVE to be omnivores?"

We've been working on them in the wind tunnel...

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

'Oh... you're gonna eat those peas, mister.'