Vegetarian Jester Gifts

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'He's all eyes!'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

"Apparently, giving up wearing fur wasn't enough!"

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

'... Got anything besides apples?'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'Purpose of visit?'

Middle Age Spread.

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"Just how rare is this steak..."

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Hoopla!'

'Hey, a fly! This is supposed to be vegetarian soup.'

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

Rabbit being eaten.

Suicide by overeating.

'...He's eating real meat chunks in a rich, beefy gravy - I'm eating sprout salad and bean curd.'

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

'Your fat free bit, is right there, in the middle!'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'