Vegan Jester Gifts

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Middle Age Spread.

"Just how rare is this steak..."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'Hoopla!'

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

Ostrich Farm

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

Rabbit being eaten.

'You can tell the age of a horse by the teeth...but who wants to bite a horse.'

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

This Junk Mail made from 75% Recycled Other Junk Mail.

'Your fat free bit, is right there, in the middle!'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

The runner ducks ate all the snails from the garden and Jack was happy but then...

'Yes, Hawkins, I did tell you to never show your face around this farm again.'

'GIT!!!'

"I'll be submitting a request for an artichoke heart."

'The food is disgusting.' 'And such small portions.'

COWS: Cow Carrot Incentive Error

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

"I can't stand rutabagas - couldn't you pay me for NOT growing broccoli instead?"

FOOD TENDED TO GO DIRECTLY TO EMILY'S EARS....

"Trust me, it's just a stupid song: Of course you can smile at a crocodile..."