Environmental Jester Gifts

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

This Junk Mail made from 75% Recycled Other Junk Mail.

The runner ducks ate all the snails from the garden and Jack was happy but then...

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'... so I decided to make us all fabulous new outfits from the Guardian environment supplement!'

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

'This should shake things up -- I've just found conclusive evidence that global warming is caused by whales!'

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

The nuclear power plant didn't doom the Snail Darter as feared.

'Could you cut down the CO2? The ice is getting a bit thin.'

Watering a plant in the rain.

Mr. Science Times

Boss, there's no toxic waste anywhere near the café, is there? What is this, the eighties? What's next, you're going to ask me if any whales or baby seals are harmed in the production of our coffee? Are you going to ask me to sing "We are the World" with Stevie Wonder? Are you going to ask me to film a "very special episode" about the dangers of dope? People didn't just care about this stuff in the 1980s, boss. Want me to get some Krazy Glue and fix the "hole in the ozone layer"?

Cow Printer

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

"As part of our environmental policy we burn compliance to heat the system."

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

Tonight's topic: Global warming.

'Nobody said anything about a bagpipe ban.'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

Computer cables as fire ladder.

'I jogged 120 miles last month and drank 3 gallons of wine. At 40 mpg, I'm doing more than my share for the energy crisis.'

Genetics Department Christmas Dinner

COWS: Cow Carrot Incentive Error