Greens Jester Gifts

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Women in a cross country race

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Yawning barristers in court

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

"I got probation."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

Justice

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'