Vegetable Jester Gifts

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

"I can't stand rutabagas - couldn't you pay me for NOT growing broccoli instead?"

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Frank & Ernie's Carrot, Beet, Potato Farm. Lunch break's over --- Shall we return to our roots?

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Rap-scallions

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Onion Tears

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

Avocado Timeline

Cockerel sings the blues...

'He's all eyes!'

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"Mother will never be able to rest on her laurels. If they're green, she'll cook them."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Carrot salad, carrot casserole, carrot juice, carrot cake - I want steak!'

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."