Vegetable Jester Pillows

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

"I can't stand rutabagas - couldn't you pay me for NOT growing broccoli instead?"

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Rap-scallions

Onion Tears

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

Avocado Timeline

'He's all eyes!'

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"Mother will never be able to rest on her laurels. If they're green, she'll cook them."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

'Carrot salad, carrot casserole, carrot juice, carrot cake - I want steak!'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

'Purpose of visit?'

Gardener of the Year.