Culinary Jesters Gifts

"Oh yeah, well I say you're black!"

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Middle Age Spread.

"Just how rare is this steak..."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

'Hoopla!'

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

Castaway can't remembers how to write S.O.S.

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder.

Gloria, what's a good remedy for garlicky hands? Rigatoni gloves.