Culinary Jesters Pillows

"Oh yeah, well I say you're black!"

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Middle Age Spread.

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

"Just how rare is this steak..."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

'Hoopla!'

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

Castaway can't remembers how to write S.O.S.

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."