Gastronomy Jesters Pillows

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

'He's all eyes!'

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Middle Age Spread.

"Just how rare is this steak..."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'It must be a milkfish.'

'Hoopla!'

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

Turkey Hostage.

Gloria, what's a good remedy for garlicky hands? Rigatoni gloves.

"Table for three?"

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'

"A white whale took my leg, but I lost my eye to the ship's cook and a frozen fish finger!"

"That's the smoke alarm - our dinner must be ready...!"

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

"Oh, I don't mind! Anything that tastes like a ten ounce, medium rare, rib-eye steak."

"Umm, smell that? That's the annual accountant's Cooking the Books Cook-Off."