Gourmet Jesters Pillows

"It's our version of the doggy bag. Permit me to take it to madam's car."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Richard the Turd

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Pumping up wig in blender.

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"Just how rare is this steak..."

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'It's her signature dish.'

Middle Age Spread.

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'Hoopla!'

'Better than fresh - everything is irradiated.'

Popular methods for getting the check

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'