Germ Jesters Pillows

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

The Return of the Germ

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'Hoopla!'

Watering a plant in the rain.

Looking for a cool cat.

Stationary mountain bike.

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

The Apis Dance Studio

Turkey Hostage.

Coast to coast walk.

Banana Arcade Game

'Cheetah?... Boy?...Simba?... Jane?....'

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

It quickly became apparent to Daryl that his remote controlled lawn mower was not a good idea.

'Oooh. . . I don't feel good...'

'Ms. Marbley, bring in your pad and a pair of pruning shears.'

Attend to wall climbers...clear out exhausted annuals.

Bus Stop - 49 Bus Reputed Sightings.

Clown Gardening

Hoarder Collie