Germ Jester Pillows

"Hi germ, pick on someone your own size."

Outbreak of the pandemic

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

Hand sanitizer

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

The Return of the Germ

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'Mom, why do I have to wash both hands? I only eat with one of them.'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Did you wash your hands?"

"I started as a mundane disease ... but now I'm a super bacteria!"

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

How DNA molecules combine.

'Purpose of visit?'

"It's almost flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one!"

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

Genetic Research Institute - "Darling we were made for each other."

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Hoopla!'

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run