Germ Jester Pillows

"Hi germ, pick on someone your own size."

Outbreak of the pandemic

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

Hand sanitizer

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

The Return of the Germ

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'Mom, why do I have to wash both hands? I only eat with one of them.'

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

"Did you wash your hands?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

"I started as a mundane disease ... but now I'm a super bacteria!"

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"It's almost flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one!"

'Purpose of visit?'

Genetic Research Institute - "Darling we were made for each other."

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

'Hoopla!'

Watering a plant in the rain.

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.