Gene Jester Pillows

Genetic Research Institute - "Darling we were made for each other."

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

"I got probation."

Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"