Gene Jester Pillows

Genetic Research Institute - "Darling we were made for each other."

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

"I got probation."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."