Ego Jester Pillows

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

"Remember, Jeremy, thou art immortal."

'Get some ice! His ego is swollen!'

"He's been impossible ever since his promotion."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Yawning barristers in court

Drunk Barber

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I got probation."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"