Community Jesters Pillows

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

' I hope you're not trying to suggest that I don't pay you enough Foster ! '

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'What do you think I'm doing? The doctor told me to collect a mid stream urine specimen."

Help Wanted Signs Explained.

Community Board: Free Paper Ripping Lessons

Dried Herbs

"Village church. Monday: Apocalypse. No bingo."

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

Bus Stop - 49 Bus Reputed Sightings.

"Free street lighting, and we sell the surplus to the national grid."

"We talk all the time."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"People often think management is glamorous, that we spend all our time engaging in high profile decision making."

"It's not as easy as it looks."

Before you leave...Do you have any feedback to help us improve our village?

'Volunteer?! I thought you said come over and bring the beer!'

'Edith, guess what!!!...Our new neighbour is a doctor!!'

"Paul is a saint, Minneapolis, no way!!"

'Sorry, pal - I don't really go for ginger blokes.'

'I never should have downloaded that Mafia ring tone.'

"It's actualy a 10 liter hat, I'm from Canada." (two cowboys talking about a large hat)

"Baldo invaded my room and stole my Atomic Sour Balls. The invader must be stopped...this means war!"

"I'm not a programmer, so the fact that you translated your report card into code makes me a little suspicious."

'Why can't she just call it the final exam like other teachers?'

"Sigh. Again with the origami!"

"Dear Alex, how are things at college? Your mother and I wanted to know if you might send us some money..."