Festive Jesters Pillows

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

NSA is coming to town.

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'It must be a milkfish.'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

Christmas Newspapers

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

Good Dog!...Bad dog!...Good dog!....Nice dog!...Very bad dog!....Good dog!....Good dog!...Naughty dog!..."

'Money's no object, lad! Whatever you want, you can have, and everything's available in our fully stocked toy department on the third floor...'

"I thought Marley said I'd be visited by three ghosts."

'Tell him to cut it out - we're not into leather!'

The Navigator on Christmas Eve

'He picked it, and ate it.'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'