Kitchen Jesters Gifts

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Gloria, what's a good remedy for garlicky hands? Rigatoni gloves.

"Good afternoon..."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Husband bakes a pie

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"Gigot de sept heures."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'He's all eyes!'

"More helium."

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'It must be a milkfish.'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

"Just how rare is this steak..."

Middle Age Spread.

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Spaghetti Mummy

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"