Designated Driver Humor Gifts

Drinker at bar: 'No more for me, thanks. Any more and I slur the words I'm texting in the car...'

"I need to tinkle."

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

'Would you watch where you're going already.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Speed Checked By Radar.

Backseat Predators

Nerds night out: 'Dibs on Designated Driver.'

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

Motorway lane for 'Pricks and idiots only'.

"Could we try parking again please, Mr. Zog?"

'I've been glamped!'

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

'To hell with high gas prices!'

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

Detour 50c.

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

How's my Reaction Time? Call 1-800-OLDTIMER.

Chief, call you back. Something's come up.

'Hello, I'm phoning from my car '.

'Perhaps that will shut you up!'

"Okay...when the light turns red, you stop. When the light turns green, you go."

Caution: Armed Student Driver

This lane reserved for average persons only.