Designated Driver Humor Pillows

Drinker at bar: 'No more for me, thanks. Any more and I slur the words I'm texting in the car...'

"I need to tinkle."

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

'Would you watch where you're going already.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Installing one of the new 'Buck Bridges' reduced Bob's auto insurance by 21%.

Speed Checked By Radar.

Backseat Predators

Nerds night out: 'Dibs on Designated Driver.'

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'Guess what? I'm going to be on 'World's Worst Drivers'!'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

'I've been glamped!'

Motorway lane for 'Pricks and idiots only'.

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

"Could we try parking again please, Mr. Zog?"

'To hell with high gas prices!'

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

I take it back - He's not writing a text and driving, he's illustrating a text and driving.

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

Detour 50c.

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

How's my Reaction Time? Call 1-800-OLDTIMER.

Chief, call you back. Something's come up.

'Perhaps that will shut you up!'

This lane reserved for average persons only.

"Before I have anymore, who's driving tonight, me or you"

Caution: Armed Student Driver