Bad Driver Humor Pillows

'We must be getting near the docks, dearest - you're hitting more sailors.'

"I need to tinkle."

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Kick-line Deer Crossing. A kick-line of deer cross the road Radio City Rockettes style.

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Ducks crossing.

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'Would you watch where you're going already.'

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Backseat Predators

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'I've been glamped!'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

Speed Limit

'To hell with high gas prices!'

"Watch out Stan, we've got a tail-gater."

Detour 50c.

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

Drinker at bar: 'No more for me, thanks. Any more and I slur the words I'm texting in the car...'

How's my Reaction Time? Call 1-800-OLDTIMER.

Chief, call you back. Something's come up.

Stop at the next chemist please, I've run out of tranquilizers.

"Okay...when the light turns red, you stop. When the light turns green, you go."

'Okay, which ones are the bad guys?'

"Flashed again....Anyone would think I was on full beam!"

This lane reserved for average persons only.

Crash test dummy standing by his car.A sign on it says 'My other car is a write off'.

Caution: Armed Student Driver