Designated Driver Humorist Gifts

"Before I have anymore, who's driving tonight, me or you"

"I need to tinkle."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

CLEAR!

Volkswagen Scandal

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

Kick-line Deer Crossing. A kick-line of deer cross the road Radio City Rockettes style.

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Squint your eyes and grit your teeth so I can make sure it's you.'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

'Beware of SUV.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

Ducks crossing.

No Hand Signals

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'Would you watch where you're going already.'

Lucky car.

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

Installing one of the new 'Buck Bridges' reduced Bob's auto insurance by 21%.

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

Speed Checked By Radar.

"..and I've recently had it converted to LGP"

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

Road rage in the car-to-car technology era.

Tin man visits automotive oil change facility.

'This model runs on antibiotics.'

Parking? I don't think so.

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

The Magician world's version of Fluffy dice.

It's just until I stop chasing cars.

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'