Cynicism Buff Gifts

"Sure, and sooner or later he'll say, 'Let's just be friends,' right?"

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Diogenes and tourists

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"I think once Qadyn is exposed to other 7-year-old nihilists, he’ll really start to blossom."

*2020

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

Sucking Up to Gen X

Born Cynical,,,,

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."