Cynicism Buff Gifts

"Sure, and sooner or later he'll say, 'Let's just be friends,' right?"

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Diogenes and tourists

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

Man with t-shirt: 'I think, therefore I don't vote'

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"I think once Qadyn is exposed to other 7-year-old nihilists, he’ll really start to blossom."

Born Cynical,,,,

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."