Cynical Consumers Gifts

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

Confusing supermarket moments: salt - now with 50% less salt.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

Will Self deprecation

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Cash Rebate

Diogenes and tourists

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'That's it?'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

"To be perfectly frank, the preceding was a paid political bunch of lies."

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

Sucking Up to Gen X

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

No more bribes - today.

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."