Cynical Shopper Gifts

Cash Rebate

Jungle Stores.

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Down on Her.

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

Clown in supermarket looking at a tin of Canned Laughter.

Maze Leading to a Cheese Shop

White Sale

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

Financial Christmas

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

Last minute gift ideas

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

A Dog Who Never Got His Day.

"Soon to be a major disappointment."

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

HELLth-care Insurance

I'm not welcome at Computer Villa? You're broke. You can't buy anything. But I've been a loyal customer for years. Can I just window shop? Oh, sure. And can I come over to your house and peer inside and annoy you by not buying anything?! Retailers are upset and making no sense. Go ye into the wilderness!

"I'm looking for something special that says 'Meow.'"

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

'Excuse me sir, but that's my wife...this is your bag of potatoes.'

He knew it. She was cheating on him again. Buying brand-name products and putting them in bulk containers. You know, just to appear thrifty.

"I'm not investing a penny into the high street!"

Just for the Smell of It - Candle Shop.

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

Marks And Spencer Financial Services - " I came in here to buy socks not stocks."