The Skeptical Shopper Gifts

'Is everything made in China these days?'

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Cash Rebate

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

Financial Christmas

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

Last minute gift ideas

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

'Hey! Who changed this water into wine?'

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

'I don't CARE if they were marked down 35 percent. That set of drapes goes back to the store!'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"What 'Do-not-knock' list?"

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

"Why don't you just go to the supermarket like everybody else?"

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

"I'm looking for something special that says 'Meow.'"

He knew it. She was cheating on him again. Buying brand-name products and putting them in bulk containers. You know, just to appear thrifty.

"I'm not investing a penny into the high street!"

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

Big Retail is watching you... They're just not really watching what they've got.

'The Ridiculous Slippers Shop'

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

'Wow, your expensive health insurance is worth every penny! According to your status, you're entitled to a special single room. Do you prefer the lift shaft or the heating cellar?'

Incredibly Inexpensive Security Systems' advertise 'Pretty Good Set Ups. 1/2 the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional break-ins.