Grocery Shopping Skeptic Gifts

'Hey! Who changed this water into wine?'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"Everything's gone up."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Unusual Offers

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

'Diet considerations.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Self-Checkout.

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I've got it written down...'