Shopping Skeptics Gifts

"For the last bloody time, I won't forget the honey!"

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

Cash Rebate

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

Financial Christmas

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

'Hey! Who changed this water into wine?'

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

'I don't CARE if they were marked down 35 percent. That set of drapes goes back to the store!'

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

"I can't find anything on line. I'm going to the mall."

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

"Why don't you just go to the supermarket like everybody else?"

'The answer is still no. I'm not interested!'

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

Delivery slots unavailable

Big Retail is watching you... They're just not really watching what they've got.

"I'm not investing a penny into the high street!"

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

'Is everything made in China these days?'

Incredibly Inexpensive Security Systems' advertise 'Pretty Good Set Ups. 1/2 the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional break-ins.

Marks And Spencer Financial Services - " I came in here to buy socks not stocks."

'Wow, your expensive health insurance is worth every penny! According to your status, you're entitled to a special single room. Do you prefer the lift shaft or the heating cellar?'

"I only started drinking in the street when they turned my local boozer into a supermarket."

'You say that 35,- is too much for this ugly shirt? Okay, just give me 20 bucks and I'll keep the bloody thing!'

'Everything checks out ok, Mrs. Winslow, except your clothes.'