Retail Skeptic Gifts

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Big Retail is watching you... They're just not really watching what they've got.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I shop, therefore I am."

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

CATCHY NAME

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

Cold caller.

"Multi-level marketing!"

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

"If my mother and father had wanted to see Yves Saint Laurent's initials on my possessions, one supposes they would have named me Yves Saint Laurent."

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

Sales company

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

"The improvement is the higher price."

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."

"It's flu season, so you'll probably get sick. To repeat: You... will... get... sick. And when you do, there's Helpaflu."

"On the web it clearly said, 'one mile from the beach'."

"We can see that you just bought a fridge and thought you might be interested in a fridge."

"Oh, we only use them when simple PR won't do."

Financial Christmas

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

"Thanks to Trump, no one cares if we lie now in our advertisements or press releases."

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

'Why do I think that someone has made up these numbers?'

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. . . already marked down for clearance and it's not even Halloween yet."