Marketing Skeptics Gifts

'Do we want a platinum card?'

The Voice-Mail Box

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

"We can see that you just bought a fridge and thought you might be interested in a fridge."

"Oh, we only use them when simple PR won't do."

'I got myself a new razor, according to the package it's supposed to bring out the goddess in you.' 'Which one, love or war?'

"This whole Latino food marketing is getting out of control. People don't blindly fall for marketing gimmicks!"

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

CATCHY NAME

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

Cold caller.

"Multi-level marketing!"

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

"If my mother and father had wanted to see Yves Saint Laurent's initials on my possessions, one supposes they would have named me Yves Saint Laurent."

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

"But your room does have a sea view, it's 43 miles over there behind the power station."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Sales company

Your weight. See, it's up not down. I told you "thin crust" pizza did not mean it would magically slim you.

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

"The improvement is the higher price."

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

"It's flu season, so you'll probably get sick. To repeat: You... will... get... sick. And when you do, there's Helpaflu."

'Buy plain packet cigarettes - get free coloured pens to make your own packet design.'

"On the web it clearly said, 'one mile from the beach'."