Health Marketing Skeptic Gifts

"All the nutritional benefits of tortured, wretched souls, without the hassle."

Ask your doctor

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

"Multi-level marketing!"

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"