Satirical Shopping Skeptic Gifts

Financial Christmas

Pirates at the mall.

They get into debt so fast these days...

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"How much is the sign?"

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

Cash Rebate

"We could go out to eat every night and cut our grocery bill to nothing."

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Mail-Order Yard Sale

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

'Sometimes I ask myself, 'What would good King Wenceslaus think about all this?''