Grocery Shopping Fanatic Gifts

Check Out.

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Witches Checkout.

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

Friendly bacteria

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: After a Fashion

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

Mouse shopping after hours

'That's not the northern lights! It's new strip mall!'

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"

"I need one of them and one of them..."

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"Someone's gone to look for a price - they won't be long!"

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

"Today is catch-your-own day."

'I don't understand how our grocery prices have inflated 15% yet you've inflated 25%'

Beverages. Drinking Water. (Some Assembly Required.) Oxygen. Hydrogen.

"I'm still trying to get used to ordering food online."

Christmas food.

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.