Cautious Shopper Gifts

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

"Give me only nineteen eggs, please."

Shopping scams

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

No Immediate Danger

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Down on Her.

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

Cash Rebate

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

One Dollar, One Vote

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

January Sales

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

'You should try to be more spontaneous.' 'I shall. When I'm good and ready.'

Half a loaf is better than none..

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

"What 'Do-not-knock' list?"

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Gymnast on balancing beam about to slip on a banana skin.

Saving the planet

"Just relax. Your investments are so safe you'll be worth a million dollars if you live to be 169."

"I'm looking for something special that says 'Meow.'"

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."