Careful Customer Gifts

Chiropractor: We bend over backwards for our customers.

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"More?"

'Beer? Wassat then?'

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

Waiter, what's this photograph of Jeff Goldblum doing in my soup? He starred in the remake of "The Fly." Personally, I prefer Al (David) Hedison in the original.

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

During a snowfall, it's always best to slow down a bit.

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

"I want to be cured of some very destructive buying habits."

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

Cathy was becoming increasingly buy-curious.

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

Height barrier accident.

Fur Coat and Turtle Neck Protest.

My name's Troy, and I'll be your serve tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Half a loaf is better than none..

'So you're the boy who wants to be a health and safety officer.'

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'