Quirky Customer Gifts

Can I have another free cookie for my cat? Sure. Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three cookies? You sure this is for your cat? Can you also sprinkle a little tuna on it?

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"The crystal ball is to indicate when a waiter will next be in this vicinity."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

Unfinished Funiture Store.

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

"That's our new church mascot."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

Ostrich Curoisities

Unusual Offers

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

Floss Street Vendor

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Triple-headed razors?... Aisle seven.'

'Please enter your pin now.'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

(Direct to the Consumer)

Jumble Sale

"Does it come with magnets?"

"Hibernation - here I come..!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?