Quirky Salesperson Gifts

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

P.R and marketing on the cheap for insurance salesman.

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Save the unicorn.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"That's our new church mascot."

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Joint Ventures!

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Floss Street Vendor

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"No more Dr Nice guy"

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

Doomsday marketing

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

I always feel so short when you wear heels.