Customer Service Cynics Gifts

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."