Customer Service Cynics Gifts

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Payback Time

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

Walmart vs. Target.

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.