Customer Service Skeptic Gifts

'Your call is important to us...but not important encough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you.'

"It's the airline. The luggage you lost seven years ago is still lost."

'...Please press 4, if you want a refund hang up.'

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Payback Time

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Cold caller.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Sales company

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

"I'd recommend this."

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...