Customer Care Philosopher Gifts

"The customer is always right. . . even if she is your sister."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Payback Time

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

"I'd recommend this."

"Will that be for here or to go?"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

Walmart vs. Target.

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"