Critics Of Customer Service Gifts

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

Payback Time

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

Walmart vs. Target.

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.