Customer Service Critique Gifts

"I had to take a plane to here so I could remind you that you have me on hold."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

"It's something from the gas company. Don't they know it takes more than bold red font, to move me to respond. I need to be wooed, fawned over. After all, I'm more than a checkbook."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'