Customer Service Critique T-Shirts

"I had to take a plane to here so I could remind you that you have me on hold."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"It's something from the gas company. Don't they know it takes more than bold red font, to move me to respond. I need to be wooed, fawned over. After all, I'm more than a checkbook."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Direct Marketing...

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"