Service Critique Gifts

"While your salesman checks with the manager, could I interest you in a dental exam?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Payback Time

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'I'm getting mixed signals. First the boss tells me that I never really caught fire around here then he tells me that I suffer from burnout.'

Couple Waiting for Service

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

"Not much point in being humble unless everyone knows about it."

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

Vouchers, Vouchers, Vouchers

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

Walmart vs. Target.

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'

An accident waiting to happen.