Service Quality Critic Gifts

'Since our cable company raised rates for the second time in a year, we're gonna switch to satellite.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

'Sales of durable goods are down. Actually the sales numbers are the same, the goods just aren't as durable as they used to be.'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

Couple Waiting for Service

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

Muscle Steroids.

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

Suggestions Box

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'I just pop down to Pediatrics when I need a bit of nursing care.'

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'