Service Critic Gifts

Internet Banking

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

US Postal - Service unknown.

Virtual Doctor

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

Couple Waiting for Service

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"I think I speak for all of us."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

'I just pop down to Pediatrics when I need a bit of nursing care.'

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'

'The government is running this country like nobody's business.'

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

Budget Air - Click here if you agree to be being treated like dirt

'This restaurant is great They always keep my water glass full,'

'You can contact us 3 ways: an email that will be trashed, a fax that will be buried, and a letter which will be lost.'