Service Station Critic Gifts

Directions to the nearest decent motorway services.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Payback Time

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Nap time."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"I found a really good parking place, dear, so I'm going to spend the weekend downtown shopping. . ."

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"Thanks for waiting."

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

Vouchers, Vouchers, Vouchers

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

Walmart vs. Target.

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

Budget Air - Click here if you agree to be being treated like dirt

'The government is running this country like nobody's business.'